And how we need it…more than ever. In a time full of strife, suffering and conflict; being kind with ourselves and others can combat the uncontrollable facets of our lives. Perhaps a National Kindness Day; March on Washington. When
there is a chaos , the best and most we can do is be kind.
It seems to be the word a lot of people are using these days. What is balance? Balance is the capacity to hold present anxiety, fears, bad feelings and thoughts with an awareness that we can’t control the next moment, (except to be present)
and our fears, bad feelings and thoughts do pass when we allow a breath and another breath; being with the moment!
Balance is knowing that the rhythm of the season changes holds an organic dance for our being grounded and alive.
Living with uncertainty causes fear in many people. What will happen tomorrow and the day after? Although uncertainty is a natural part of life and always present for everyone; making changes may be especially hard when the future is simply unknown. If you take a moment and think about all the times you have made a decision, whether for better or worse, you have probably landed on your feet. A client recently used the word, wobbly, to describe the uncertainty she was feeling. Yes to wobbly! Holding the hope of each day coupled with life’s uncertainty can make us all unsteady!
Defintion: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Humans can endure a lot.
The passage of time coupled with mental and physical strength make us all resilient during stressful times.
Holding this challenge is hard at times, making some want to surrender, become hopeless and immobilized.
Others, can tolerate the uncertainty with greater fortitude. Let us all be compassionate with ourselves
when our heart hurts and we feel fear.
Avoidance is the hope that with time and unconsciousness the painful unresolved feelings or issue will go away.
But, we know, it never does and all too often, avoiding what needs to be addressed makes the problem worse. Avoidance is fueled by projection and the imagined repercussions of dealing with what’s in front on one at the moment: s/he will be hurt or mad at me if I speak up…or I’lll never recover from my sadness. Pain and bad feelings pass and avoiding avoidance and risking being with whatever needs attending, will make you a stronger and healthier person.
To sit with…the anxious moments of life…with uncertainty and not knowing is hard. We think if we know what’s going to happen…which is I’m possible; or in some control what is going to happen…our lives will be easier. So, we spend time keeping ourselves busy with whatever so we don’t have to feel some of the bad feelings of fear or loss that are natural in life. The Pause Button, accompanied with a breath, can help us navigate this anxious moments. We all have them and have to manage those internal questions about life, meaning and purpose. Taking a moment to pause is a gift to yourself; to smell, taste, feel and see what is before us.
My primary care physician said, “If we don’t take care of our bodies, where will we live?” Learning how to honor our bodies by taking proper care of nutrition, exercise and rest needs is big aspect of healing in psychotherapy. Sometimes
our bodies house so much past trauma, it is difficult to access and the pain of doing so feels too much.
Over time. you will be ready…..
Forgiveness is often not easy to do with self or others. There are often deep wounds of betrayal and hurt that keep one stuck and in a victim role. If one was raised with critical judgmental parents, for example, with strictness and lots of rules, forgiveness of self and others may seem like a foreign concept and an impossible goal. Forgiveness is act of opening one’s heart, offering compassion; an intentional process of letting go of past offenses and negative emotions. There lies the possibility of setting oneself free.
The myriad effects of trauma can effect one’s life in many ways. The most common aspect named as helplessness. This is a feeling we will do almost anything to get away from; whether it is avoiding others. blaming others, medicating ourselves with busyness or substance, immobolization, chronic indecision or other unhealthy behaviors. Some people
will fight fight fight to get away from the bad feelings; some will acquiesce, submit and adapt.
Both of these patterns are ‘reactions’ to trauma rather than responses which come from the adult self. Trauma is not your fault…and can be healed over time, perhaps, many years of consistent psychotherapy.